Chapter 12: Ana attempts to clear her head by going for a run, but she ends up just wanting to run to Christian’s hotel and demand sex. She wants him, but doesn’t know if she can accept him on his terms. Get your head straight, lady. And do your thinking with the right part of… Continue reading Fifty Vanilla Sex Encounters

Chapter 11: Contains the contract in full. From what I have learned, the contract is pretty standard for this kind of arrangement, which is fortunate, considering the fact that this book has popularized the S&M lifestyle for many people who may otherwise not have been interested or knowledgeable. The contract includes an appendix with the… Continue reading Fifty Second Thoughts about the Hard Limits

Chapter 10: He wants her to meet his mother. I wonder what kind of messed up relationship one would have to have with one’s offspring to create the kind of guy Christian Grey seems to be. He’s introducing his sex toy to his mother. And she has “sexy”—her words—ligature marks on her wrists. She’s reasonably… Continue reading Fifty Awkward Conversations with Your Parents

Chapter 9: So he’s uncomfortable sharing a bed with someone, is he? I think not. We find that he’s still in bed with Ana when she wakes up. Sleeping peacefully as a child he is. Her subconscious has woken. Why was it asleep in the first place, and where was it last night? Because now… Continue reading Fifty Pirate Role-play Scenarios

Chapter 8: He’s out of control, pacing like a madman in his study, angry, all because Ana told him that she’s a virgin. And then she blushes like crazy when he tells her she’s beautiful. Has she forgotten how suddenly and wildly angry he just became not 10 seconds ago? Is her self-esteem that fragile?… Continue reading Fifty Improbable Orgasms on Command

Chapter 7: Ana gets thrown unceremoniously into S&M! She tells herself that this is Christian’s version of soft and romantic, but has she already forgotten that he told her just minutes ago that he doesn’t “make love” he “fucks hard”? Apparently so. He’s dominant and he wants Ana to please him. Notice the terminology. He… Continue reading Fifty Reasons to Get a Restraining Order

As the cheesecake bakes, I give you Chapter 6 in our next installment of Fifty Shades of Grey. The cheesecake recipe should be up in a couple of hours. Midnight baking, indeed. Chapter 6: Christian Grey knows where Ana lives even though she hasn’t told him her address. He tracked her cell phone to find… Continue reading Fifty Nondisclosure Agreements

Chapter 5: Ana wakes up in Mr. Grey’s hotel room after last chapter’s embarrassment. He’s apparently still in town and hanging with his brother for some still unexplained reason. He’s been there for a week by now; doesn’t he have a business to run? Apparently large businesses can effectively function without their CEO for extended… Continue reading Fifty Paths to Liver Failure

Chapter 4: So suddenly after spending all this time seducing Ana, Christian suddenly gets all noble about warning her off. WTF? What’s more, Ana is so attached to this guy she met not even a week ago that she’s “bereft” without his touch. I thought she was electrocuted by his touch. Silly me. At least… Continue reading Fifty Ways to Get Smashed at a Club

Chapter 3: Kate decides that they need photos to accompany her article, but apparently, no one is available to play photographer for Mr. Grey’s photo shoot except Ana’s accidental boy toy, José. So far, we’ve got Paul the all-American who works at the hardware store with her, and José the minority, both attractive and interested,… Continue reading Fifty Contrived Character Interactions