Fifty Pirate Role-play Scenarios

Chapter 9: So he’s uncomfortable sharing a bed with someone, is he? I think not. We find that he’s still in bed with Ana when she wakes up. Sleeping peacefully as a child he is.

Her subconscious has woken. Why was it asleep in the first place, and where was it last night? Because now it’s telling Ana that she’s crazy for choosing to become the willing sex slave of a man who doesn’t love her. NOW the voice of reason has appeared, although her subconscious mind hasn’t always bestowed such sensible advice.

Her controlling roommate has sent her 3 separate 3 word texts, and so Ana immediately phones her, leaving a “groveling” message. Kate knew where she was going to be and that she was probably going to spend the night, so I’m not sure why Kate was insistent on knowing where Ana was. Yet at the same time, 3 3-word text messages does not constitute enough worry or concern to necessitate a groveling phone call.

Then Ana decides to make breakfast in Christian’s kitchen. Now, judging by the number of times this guy suddenly becomes outrageously angry about random stuff, I would not go about cooking in his kitchen without his express permission for fear of inciting his illogical rage. But of course, Ana is not worried about this at all and she happily plugs in her headphones and blasts music into her skull, dancing wildly as she cooks.

Her subconscious mind/ alternate personality emerges again, this time “doubled over in laughter at her” because Christian has emerged from the bedroom and called her dancing “entertaining.” Not sure why this is cause for so much mirth.

“He’s hard to stay mad at.” She says. I’m uncertain as to why she was mad to begin with; all he did was pull her pigtail and smirk at her. Maybe these two are perfect for each other in terms of mercurial moods.

Once again, the narrator points out that Ana doesn’t drink coffee and that her favorite tea is Twinning’s English Breakfast tea. I’m actually starting to believe the author is getting paid per number of times she can mention it. It’s seriously the third time that specific type of tea has been mentioned.

He’s asking her to continue her “basic training” with a practice in “oral skills” and she has the naiveté to say that she doesn’t know what he’s thinking and that he’s so hard to read. He’s a man and he’s telling her he wants her to suck him off. How hard could it be to tell what he’s thinking?

He makes her finish her breakfast, telling her again that he has “issues with wasted food” and looking at her with “pained” dark eyes. At least we weren’t reminded what color they are.

Ana finally demonstrates common sense by making a mental note to not put so much food on her plate if Christian’s going to be “weird about food.” It’s about time, girl. Start thinking.

Kate calls and surprise! She’s angry! She wants to know why Ana didn’t text her last night and if she’s OK. Who does she think she is? Ana’s mom? And of course she wants to hear all about her night with Christian right then and there. If she were any kind of journalist, she could probably figure out that if Ana’s not home, then logically she’s still with the guy and probably doesn’t want to discuss her recent sexual escapades with him over the phone with her roommate while he’s in the same room.

OK, wait. Christian just admitted he has never had vanilla sex before. How did that happen? What kind of introduction to human sexuality did this guy have in order for that to transpire?

He has commanded that they are to take a bath together. Make it so! (Star Trek reference FTW!)

Then Mr. Changing Moods gets mad at her because she keeps biting her lip and it makes him crazy horny. So no more of that, missy. She’s shocked that she can “affect him so.” I think it’s probably less her ability to affect him and more his inability to control himself.

She goes into the water first and “bravely” asks him to join her. Why is that brave? She takes a moment to wonder at the fact that Christian Grey is naked and in the bathtub with her. Would she be less surprised if he were fully clothed in the bathtub with her?

He’s washing her underarms and she’s glad that Kate insisted she shave. Would she not have shaved her armpits if her roommate had not made her? It’s not a difficult task, the work of a minute or two. Is Ana really that lazy that she can’t take the time to rake the hair off her armpits before a date with a hot guy?

He just finished washing her body, almost bringing her to orgasm again, and she turns and is shocked to find that he has his erection in his hand. Shocked! What could he be thinking of? In a bathtub with a naked woman and he has an erection!

Our heroine’s first blow job: She finds that she’s spectacularly good at bringing Christian to his happy place. She takes him in all the way to the back of her throat. Apparently Ana has no gag reflex, or he’s got no girth. He’s her “very own Christian Grey-flavored popsicle.” Gag me, please.

Her inner goddess has taken the place of her snarky subconscious and is dancing the “merengue with some salsa moves.” Probably using her “small feet” to do so.

Christian at least recognizes the absurdity of her lack of gag reflex and points it out.

Upon witnessing him exit the bath, her inner goddess is staring, “openmouthed and drooling” at his physique. And he still has a bit of an erection. Is that biologically possible so soon after orgasm? No really, I’m asking.

She’s following him back into the bedroom meekly, still stunned at the fact that he wants this with her. Has the fact that she meekly follows nearly every direct order that he gives her even without having first signed the contract clued her in to why that might be the case? Then he ties her hands together with—what else—a gray silk tie.

He moves her to the bed, tells her to keep her hands above her head and not move them—she acknowledges the order and recognizes that he’s not a man to cross. Then not 2 minutes later, she’s touching his hair. What does she not understand about following orders? I thought she could do obedience, if nothing else.

Every time she refers to her pubic area, it’s either called her “sex” or “there” italics included. Her sex ed has been woefully lacking if she still lacks the sophisticated vocabulary to talk about that particular area of the body.

Tit for tat is not his usual style, he says, but he wants to reward her for doing so well in the bathtub. Everything in this arrangement is for his benefit, not hers.

OK, please note: “Aargh” is not an erotic sound. It should not be used to describe a response to sexual stimulation; rather, it could be called a primitive cry, or a passionate moan, or an unrestrained outward expression of ecstasy. Really anything but “aargh.” If you are making that sound during sex, then something is terribly wrong. See a doctor. “Aargh” is the sound pirates make, not lovers. Unless the author has forgotten to inform us that they’re engaging in elaborate pirate role play, which could explain everything. It makes so much more sense if you think of it that way, actually.

He’s said at least 2 times that he doesn’t want to fuck her today because she’s still sore, but then that’s exactly what he finally does. She comes on command for the fourth time.

After this experience, Ana realizes that she would do anything for Christian. “The wonder that he’s introduced me to, it’s beyond anything I could have imagined.” It’s her first sexual experience ever. Of course he’s taken her beyond what she could imagine. Becoming suddenly and completely devoted to a man she’s spoken to less than 5 times is not the proper response; it’s nutty.

And then his mother shows up uninvited to his apartment. Christian looks at Ana with “humored horror.”

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. Speaking of rum–cocktails!

Wild Blue Yonder

(OMG! Where does this come from?? Oh yeah, I remember. See chapter 1 post.)

1-/2 oz. vodka

1/4 oz. peach schnapps

1/4 oz. blue Curacao

Mix ingredients with cracked ice in a cocktail shaker. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass or serve on the rocks.