Fifty Alcoholic Beverages

Fifty Contrived Character Interactions

Chapter 3: Kate decides that they need photos to accompany her article, but apparently, no one is available to play photographer for Mr. Grey’s photo shoot except Ana’s accidental boy toy, José. So far, we’ve got Paul the all-American who works at the hardware store with her, and José the minority, both attractive and interested, but Ana shuts them both down. Repeatedly.

OK, I think I can see Ana’s appeal for Mr. Grey. This girl is always blushing and out of breath in his presence. Half his job is done for him; he just needs to take her the rest of the way, if you know what I mean *wink*.

He decides he wants to take her out for coffee after the photo shoot, and Ana naturally agrees, though Kate is suspicious of Christian’s intentions. She’s kind of unjustified, based on the information she has at hand, although we as readers can probably see the writing on the wall by now.

“No one has ever held my hand.” She says. Really? Has she never been on a date in her life? Is she really as much of an innocent as her condescending, overbearing roommate thinks she is? Totally unrealistic. Almost falling into the uncanny valley.

Her subconscious mind has pursed lips, a personality, and likes to lecture her. That explains a lot.

She’s gawky and uncoordinated even when walking across a room; she’s “unable to get from A to B without falling flat on my face.” Sound familiar? Again, that’s forgivable for a teenage protagonist, but for a college senior, that’s a bit out of place.

Every interaction Ana and Christian have, from the most mundane conversation to outright flirting is narrated in such a way that you expect them to come together like magnets, clothes flying in all directions and start humping like bonobos. There’s so much overt sexual tension.

Christian calls her mysterious and self-contained. Who is he describing? Ana is fumbling, stumbling, muttering, stuttering, and blushing around him, though she’s far more self-possessed around her friends Paul and José. Maybe I’m incredibly perceptive, but I don’t think you need a crystal ball to figure out how she feels about Christian Grey.

In the course of their conversation at the coffee shop, where she has Twinning’s English Breakfast tea, not coffee since she doesn’t like coffee (this is mentioned twice in this chapter), she asks him why he hasn’t asked her to call him by his first name and then immediately wonders when the conversation became serious. I wasn’t aware that asking to be allowed to call someone by their first name was a deeply personal question.

Ana is still mortifyingly embarrassed about having asked Christian if he’s gay during their interview in Chapter one. She says she’ll need therapy to get over it. Seriously. Won’t life be easier when the scientists finally perfect the gaydar gene?

Ana asks a seemingly harmless question about whether or not he has siblings and what they do for a living, and Christian shuts her down, giving one word answers and frowning. This guy gets irritated every time she asks an innocent question about his family. I’d call that something of a warning sign.

They leave the coffee shop after an awkward and stilted conversation (with a little bit of flirting thrown in to maintain reader interest) and head back to Ana’s car. Ana isn’t paying attention to where she’s going so she trips, stumbles into the road, and almost gets t-boned by a cyclist. Christian catches her, of course, pulls her into a protective embrace, and she suddenly has the undeniable urge to kiss Christian Grey. Who didn’t see that coming? Except Ana, of course, who doesn’t look both ways before she crosses the street.

Cocktail time!

Pineapple Flirtini

1-1/2 oz. vodka

1-1/2 oz champagne (we used white wine because it was already open and there was no point to opening champagne to just use 1-1/2 oz. of it)

Splash of pineapple juice

Stir with cracked ice, strain into a chilled cocktail glass and garnish with a pineapple slice.


(guess what book this came from)

2 oz. tequila

1 oz. lime juice

4 oz. pineapple juice

2 tsp. simple syrup

Mix ingredients in blender and blend until slushy. Serve over ice cubes in a tall glass garnished with lime wedges and pineapple chuck.

Matador plus more pineapple juice.

Stay hydrated! Get ready for chapter 4.

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