Fifty Nondisclosure Agreements

As the cheesecake bakes, I give you Chapter 6 in our next installment of Fifty Shades of Grey. The cheesecake recipe should be up in a couple of hours. Midnight baking, indeed.

Chapter 6: Christian Grey knows where Ana lives even though she hasn’t told him her address. He tracked her cell phone to find her at the club. He calls her Anastasia even though she’s told him she prefers to be called Ana. He tells her that he won’t kiss her spontaneously like he did in the elevator again. It’s the little things that make this guy massively dangerous. Like a full grown Bengal tiger.

Bipolar roommate alert! Christian and roommate Kate trade icy greetings as Kate gives Ana the once over to make sure she’s OK, but then Kate is excited to learn that Ana will be seeing this guy again. What happened to the suspicion she exhibited less than 5 minutes ago? Did it vanish instantly when she realized that they hadn’t had sex? Why is that the case? Kate obviously had sex with Christian’s brother, why would it be a problem if Ana also spent the night doing the horizontal tango?

And one more thing: Why is Christian incapable of giving Ana normal affection, like a normal kiss goodbye instead of that one wild moment in the elevator? He seems like he wants to kiss her, but doesn’t. Why?

Oh, and Kate had to give Ana “tireless and intrusive instruction” on how to properly shave her legs and armpits and pluck her eyebrows before her date with Christian that evening. Hasn’t a woman of 21 learned how to do that for herself? Eyebrows I suppose I can pardon, but legs? Armpits? Really? Furthermore, Kate doesn’t trust this guy, but she’s willing to let her friend go off in a helicopter to Seattle with him. What kind of friend is this chick?

Ana’s inner goddess makes an appearance, tapping her “small foot” in impatience. She is apparently eager to lose her virginity to Christian. In a wave of self-doubt, Ana wonders what Christian sees in her. Let’s think: she’s an inexperienced girl with low self-esteem over whom he has an almost hypnotic effect. What advantage could a virile young man possibly see in pursuing some kind of relationship with her?

Also, let’s examine the parallels this book sets up with other books—not just its mothership, the Twilight series. In Twilight, Bella’s favorite book is Wuthering Heights and her relationship with Edward for a while mirrors Catherine’s relationship with Heathcliff. Here, Ana likes Thomas Hardy, author of Tess of the d’Urbervilles and she’s compared her introduction to Christian’s world to Tess looking at Alec d’Urberville’s new house. I haven’t read Twilight, so I don’t know how heavy-handed the Wuthering Heights comparison was, but in this book, it’s strong. Like cheap rum strong.

I have to admire the clever buildup, the foreshadowing and the misdirection throughout this chapter. Ana thinks this is still about having vanilla sex but there have been signs from the beginning that Christian either doesn’t or can’t get off on that. He’s always after control and Ana’s the perfect mark. She’s awed, intimidated, turned on, and completely cowed by him, not to mention her extremely low self-esteem. Six chapters in and nothing terribly risqué has happened yet, though all the signs are there pointing to something vaguely sinister and possibly even something Christian is ashamed of.

Christian presents her with a nondisclosure agreement and tells her to read carefully before she signs. He tells her that she can either not sign the document and he’ll treat her like a goddess or she can sign it and he’ll debase her completely. Ana immediately chooses debasement and puts her John Hancock on the NDA without even reading the documents she’s asked to sign. Undeniable irresponsibility. She’s thinking with the wrong head, and she really doesn’t know what she’s getting into. She wants to make love. He wants to fuck. They have a fundamental incompatibility issue.

He says it’s time to check out his playroom and she’s so unrealistically innocent. “…why are we looking at a playroom? I am mystified.” Seriously?

“I walk in. And it feels like I’ve time-traveled back to the sixteenth century and the Spanish Inquisition.” And we’re back to the Inquisition. That was unexpected. *ducks the flying tomatoes*

Cocktail time!! Starting with an original work from my roommate!

Kim’s Tropical Screwdriver

1 oz. vodka

1 oz. peach schnapps

2 oz. cranberry juice

2 oz. orange juice

2 oz. pineapple juice

Mix all ingredients in cocktail shaker with crushed ice. Strain into iced glass. Enjoy.

Sidecar

(where did it come from?! Oh yeah…)

1-1/2 oz. cognac or brandy

3/4 oz. Cointreau (the book says don’t substitute triple sec, so we substituted Patron orange liqueur instead)

Juice of 1/4 lemon

Mix in cocktail shaker with cracked ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

My roommate taking one for the team!

Cheesecake recipe and more 50 shades junk (in almost any sense of the word) to come.