Chapter 11: Contains the contract in full. From what I have learned, the contract is pretty standard for this kind of arrangement, which is fortunate, considering the fact that this book has popularized the S&M lifestyle for many people who may otherwise not have been interested or knowledgeable.
The contract includes an appendix with the lifestyle restrictions Christian showed her when Ana was at his apartment and the list of hard and soft limits, possible punishments, use of sex toys, methods of binding and, of course, safewords. Ana is overwhelmed.
She can’t face the food list—not that she eats much, anyway—and she’s starting to have second thoughts about signing away her life to this guy. “This is no way to have a relationship,” she says. Well, of course not! That’s exactly what Christian told her from the beginning; is she still confused about that?
Her inner goddess thinks that if she doesn’t agree to this, she’ll end up alone with a bunch of cats because Christian is the ONLY man she has EVER been attracted to. First of all, what’s wrong with being alone with a bunch of cats? (says the crazy cat lady) And second of all, what is she, 15? Come on! Very few people find the “love of their life” at the age of 21. She has her whole life ahead of her to explore her kinks in her own way, have relationships with different guys and find out what she really wants rather than force herself into this intense S&M lifestyle with the guy she lost her virginity to.
Like a teenager, she doesn’t have the life experience to make an educated decision about this; she’s making this decision based on pure unadulterated lust.
She asks herself if she’s submissive. She lets both Christian and Kate bully her. Uh, yeah she is.
Christian told Ana that she could borrow a computer from him to do her research, but what he meant was he would buy her a brand new MacBook Pro with next generation tech and a new email address.
He’s already sent her an email telling her the computer’s on loan to her indefinitely. She replies that she doesn’t want or need a computer indefinitely. So she was planning on borrowing her roommate’s computer for the rest of her life? Also, what decade is she living in? A computer is almost a necessity for daily life here in the 21st century.
Ana has lunch with José. She’s grateful for his “normality;” he is someone she understands. But she can’t date a guy she understands. Oh no, that’s too easy.
She gets home from work and does her internet research, realizing that she’s both queasy and turned on by what she learns about being a submissive. “Is it for me?” she asks. If you’re turned on, it might be your thing, but she’s such a confused person that she should explore her sexuality at her own pace and in her own time and not get rushed into things before she understands what she’s doing. That’s how Christian got all messed up.
Speaking of messed up– cocktails!
(from the Little Black Book of Cocktails)
1-1/2 oz. tequila
6 oz. fresh orange juice
1/2 oz. grenadine
Pour tequila and orange juice into an iced highball glass and float grenadine on top.
(from the same damn book, jeez)
1-1/2 oz. tequila
1/2 oz triple sec
Juice of 1/2 fresh lemon or lime
Moisten the rim of a chilled cocktail glass or margarita glass with lemon or lime and dip glass rim in salt. Mix all ingredients in a cocktail shaker with cracked ice. Strain into salted glass. Garnish with a lemon or lime wedge.
Sorry this is going so slowly. Life just got busy with my, ya know, real job.